As the semester draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the kind of advice I would need as an exhausted student. This season always seems to invite personal introspection, prompting me to revisit the triumphs and challenges, as well as the guidance I hope to share with my students. After all, it is important to practice what we preach! While everyone seeks inspiration in their own way, I have noticed that, especially now, my students crave words of affirmation and strategies to reignite their motivation. The key is for all of us to understand how to provide this for ourselves as well as others!
Recently, I took a three-day trip for an orchestra gig, and when I returned home, I noticed that my peace lily looked concerning. And, before I continue, it is important to note that I do not have the best track record with any plants, so even though I love them, I usually do not keep live plants around in order to spare them! However, this one was given to me when my dad passed, and I am determined to help it thrive. When I returned home and realized this poor plant looked sad and droopy, the first thing that ran through my mind was, “Oh no! What did I do wrong?” Eventually, I shifted my thought process to “What does the plant need?” And I decided to act: gave it a little water, sat next to it while completing some work, and even spoke encouraging words to it here and there. I stepped away to grab something from another room, and when I returned, I really looked at it again to notice there was a distinct difference in the plant. It had expanded, was reaching outward for the sunlight, standing tall and–as I like to refer to it–appeared “fluffy.” It was now striving to thrive and was fully giving back what I had put into it!
It occurred to me that this observation parallels our process as musicians in several ways, and we can receive a huge lesson from this!
As we engage in our ongoing internal dialogue, we must remember that it can play a significant role in shaping our motivation, focus, confidence, and, ultimately, our success. Productive self-talk is not just “thinking positively.” It is an intentional and constructive inner dialogue that helps us stay focused, learn and achieve growth from setbacks, motivate oneself, and even manage anxiety. It also acknowledges challenges without self-criticism (or giving any power to a challenge) and allows you to move forward with resilience.
Patterns of negative inner dialogue can often create stress for us as performers as well as in our daily lives. We spend most of the time with our own thoughts and inner dialogue, so make sure you are striving to serve yourself well.
If you have difficulty with productive self-talk, here are some thoughts about how you can move forward:
- Learn to recognize the negative or unproductive inner dialogue so that you can reframe it!
- Instead of “I’ll never get this!” try “I haven’t achieved this yet, but I notice x has improved, so with continued practice I know it’s only a matter of time before it becomes easier.”
- I advise my students to create a plan of action. Ask yourself: “What can I DO? What action can I take?” rather than dwell on the mistake in question.
- Aim to spin any negativity into productive thoughts that create action and progress or thoughts that lead to possibility.
- Ask yourself if you would provide the same feedback to a friend or student in a similar situation.
- Remember: You are human and deserve empathy just like your friend!
- Practice this productive self-talk on yourself, AND help others in the process! You can pour help into others and practice treating yourself with the same empathy, respect, and care.
- Cultivate a supportive and productive inner voice. You can create statements of affirmation which can be as simple as, “I can!”
- In performance: Before every orchestra concert I perform, I have made it a habit to tell those around me, “have fun!” and I find that it also helps me re-focus on the real purpose of music-making. And, other than a random performance here or there, I have discovered that simple statement eases my anxiety about the big solo or the fast tricky passage that feels like it might fly past me!
- Teaching: My students know that I prefer they leave the word “can’t” outside of my office, and I am always amazed at the creative ways they can reframe that word!
- Most of all, be willing to work through the inevitable challenges. Respond to them with curiosity, kindness, and determination. This is the ‘sweet spot’ of growth in personal and musical development.
Even if you have read some or all of this before, this is your reminder to try it; like our fundamentals on flute, we must practice treating ourselves productively. Remember that productive self-talk is realistic, compassionate, and instructive. It allows us to deal with facts without placing blame on yourself or others. With practice, properly productive self-talk can help us achieve calm before a big solo or audition, motivate us to continue working on the current challenge with purpose, and can even build confidence. Consider the boost in confidence you feel when someone walks right up to you to tell you how much they loved your playing! You can do this for yourself, and I encourage you to do so!
Just like my peace lily, we need to ask, “What do I need to move forward?” Then, water our inner dialogue with productive thoughts, take action that moves us forward, and even feed ourselves encouraging words! What we put into the world matters to ourselves and others, so choose to see the good even if at first that is difficult to find. And, at the end of this semester/year, take time to aim for balance, stillness, focus, and productive self-talk. As always, happy music-making!